So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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