An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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