When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
