I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Randomize
