your room smells of hookers.
And success
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
