the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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