My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
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