franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
