Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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