I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
