Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
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