from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Randomize
