She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
The best revenge is premature balding
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
