someone threw a dead crab at me
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
the liver wants what the liver wants
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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