so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
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