As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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