He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
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