Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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