Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
