Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Randomize
