I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
