its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
sex in a hospital.. check
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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