he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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