I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
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