i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
