So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
