My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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