Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Randomize
