I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
