Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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