Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Randomize
