dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
