my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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