Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
