i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Im part way to drunk.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
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