I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
