Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
you will always have a special place in my vag
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I wish there were birth control emojis
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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