why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
