Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
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