i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize
