It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
