I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Randomize
