dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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