saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
If its not for food we ain't going out.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize