conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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