OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
