Say something about gay babies.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
