Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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