found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
