i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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