Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
