dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
