you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I checked into jail on foursquare
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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