Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
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