I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Floor bacon is actually really good
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
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