There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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