i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
