Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
