I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
