So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
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