I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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